Oh, Seattle... What went wrong? They said we'd be a perfect match. It was supposed to be easy, I thought. Come naturally or whatever. The thing is, it didn't. Or it's not. I'd like to tell you that it's not you; it's me. And I'd like to believe that it's not me; it's you. But to tell the truth, Im not so sure.
There's this gap.
It's that awkward little limbo phase, pre-decision-making, yet post-first-decision-making. Where you've made one decision, which has unexpectedly elicited another decision (which you would rather leave unmade), because frankly you don't have the time or energy or will to make it. You dread it, because pretty much everything's riding on your choice. See, if I stick it out, I'll either find myself in a stimulating, exciting relationship or a toxic one. And if I call it quits, I'll have either given up too soon and missed out on said stimulating, exciting relationship or have dodged a bullet. As they say. Nestled in that itty bitty gap, smothered by two walls too close, is me.
The thing is, Seattle, I've been in the gap before. In fact, I think I've developed some sort of weird comfort in the discomfort I feel in that gap. Does that even make sense? The point is, I guess I'm a little worried about making the wrong choice, but mostly, when it comes down to it, I'm worried about being outside the gap. Now I'm not the type of person to regret things, but I am they type of person to give things a reeeealll mull over, and quite frankly, I just don't want to spend too much time mulling over you. I've given you so many deep breaths. So here's my last. At least as far as this subject is concerned. And with that, I'm committing publicly (!) to stick this one out. (Plus I also signed a one year lease so... I don't really have much of a choice anyway.)
Please, please be good to me Seattle. I'm trusting you. Here's to looking' at ya from outside the gap.
*For the record: though, you're probably expecting a shift toward a more positive attitude or some kind of relief, I want to be clear that life outside the gap does not feel that great ;)